The Eyes of Silver Breeze

Everyone is getting stupid. Not you or us, obviously. We mean everyone else; and there's no greater bastion of the coming idiocracy than reality TV. Shows like American Idol, 16 and Pregnant, and especially Jersey Shore not only toll the bell for the dumbing down of the planet, they revel in it, begging you to distract yourself and laugh at the dregs of humanity while you continue to get fatter and dumber and easier to placate so the totalitarian corporate power that rules the world through its control of media can continue to steal our rights while we watch The Bachelor.

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Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

After being transplanted to the Pacific Northwest we can sympathize with an invasive species like the Asian Carp. You're out of your element, you don't know anybody, and you've got to breed explosively so you can outcompete all the indigenous wildlife while hurdling electric barriers put in place to stop you and slapping strangers in the face along the way.

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Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

Some days it's all you can do to trudge out to your car because you know, you just KNOW traffic is going to completely suck. Maybe your commute is a breezy 20 minutes; maybe it's a soul-crushing hour and a half. Regardless, you can rest assured that almost everyone in Beijing has it worse.

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Fans of Vanilla Ice rejoice! Everyone who's not directly related to Vanilla Ice, carry on with your day. Rob Van Vinkle, the Iceman himself, is getting his own home improvement show on the DIY Network. Because if there's anyone you want running through your house wielding a reciprocating saw, it's this guy.

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Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

Legend has it that about a week after those Portuguese missionaries stumbled across Japan there were guys stumbling into Tokyo tattoo parlors and asking for some kanji and barbed wire inked on their arms. Shortly after that the first annoyed tattoo artist was giving tourists random designs out of spite and/or ignorance of Asian culture. Some folks might decide to take advantage of that fact by fooling the naive into thinking they've paid to have "bean curd" tattooed on their arm, and we applaud those people uproariously. Other people, though, have decided to educate the masses about just what exactly their ink says. People like Tian and his blog Hanzi Smatter.

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Movies can have a powerful effect on us. Star Trek and Star Wars inspired more than one generation to set their sights on the stars and beyond, It's a Wonderful Life gave us a reason to believe in the good in everyday people, and Secretary inspired that lengthy and incredibly awkward conversation with Human Resources. And apparently Eat Pray Love and the accompanying wave of Oprah-fueled PR inspired a bunch of lonely people to spend all their money trying to buy enlightenment in ashrams only to find out that, well, ashrams are kind of lame. Which sucks, because we could've told you that for like half the price.

(continue reading...)

Movies can have a powerful effect on us. Star Trek and Star Wars inspired more than one generation to set their sights on the stars and beyond, It's a Wonderful Life gave us a reason to believe in the good in everyday people, and Secretary inspired that lengthy and incredibly awkward conversation with Human Resources. And apparently Eat Pray Love and the accompanying wave of Oprah-fueled PR inspired a bunch of lonely people to spend all their money trying to buy enlightenment in ashrams only to find out that, well, ashrams are kind of lame. Which sucks, because we could've told you that for like half the price.

(continue reading...)